My beautiful Elkman,

You are like no one on earth. I live every day with a magical feeling glowing inside of me when I think of the future with you. I pray that the changes that lay ahead of humanity will not distroy our earth because I would really like the chance to build our dream home first, but even if we won't be able to do it in this reality I will look forward to doing it in the next. I am happy because I am not afraid. I still feel the pain of the world very often in me - especially in a country as unfortunate as Russia. There is a lot of negative energy here - people are tired and worn out by life, but it was the life of their own creating. I feel very confused: I want to help them see things differently with a little light and hope but I understand the roots of their pain and suffering and feel almost as if its just not my place to say anything because I myself don't know enough. I have a million questions that I want to ask and no one to ask them so I forget what they are. Am I supposed to want things? Is it wrong to not want a career and money but at the same time to enjoy well-made things (which in our society would translate into - expensive). The books which I read speak of concentrating on your desires, of thinking as money as the means and not ends in themselves, but if my desires are not of money but rather not having the need for them yet we live in a world where everything requires money ... if apples were a sufficient currency and the means to my desires I would gladly concentrate on attaining apples - I adore apples, apples are delicious, what is money (had it no value) but to make a fire perhaps? And even so it'd never burn long enough to warm my heart as much as love does!
I respect and value many of things which humans have created up till now, I am grateful to be warm and dry inside a wonderful home wearing nothing but a robe while the cold wind and rain beat against the window. But must we have all this and still want more? Can't we just want a little? :) Is it wrong to want - but to want 'no more than one can carry'?
Remeber when back in November of last year, what we were going through? Lately, I have been experiecing that but in a more positve way. Instead of closing into a shell to escape the outside world, I started building an inside world within. All day, every day, I feel it and almost see it within me. With every action in the external world I ask myself how it could affect the actualization of my internal world. You asked me to stay true to what I believe ("just stay true to one person") ~ that has always been you, and having your heart with me, a half of you as me makes it just stronger. I cannot say that it does make it simpler, many people have been questioning me, doubting us, discouraging love, but it has become easier to remember to believe - I guess like anything it is also a habbit. I believe. I will ~

Talk to you very soon my beautiful grain of sand ;)